Secret excuses

I don't know where I am right now. I have a decent salary, I can usually afford stuff I want and still save up, but I'm not happy either. I have ideas I want to work on, but when it's time to start, I either get distracted by other ideas or make excuses not to do anything.

Secret excuses, to be specific. Excuses that seem valid, but are unacceptable and have the same effect as a lousy excuse. Like, I'm too tired, too busy, can do it later, or some other essentially indefensible reason.

I could say I'm burnt out, but I find myself asking quickly -- am I? Or is it just another stupid excuse not to push myself to be better everyday. Sure, I've made "It's now or never, I ain't gonna live forever" my motto for a lot of things, but recently, it's not working and my gut feel ignores me like my dolphin plushie.

I love learning something new and using it for work. Even more, seeing a lot of people get productive with it or find it very cool. Then I go out and do the same for every day the rest of my life. That I think, makes me sleep well at night and not the big bucks I earn. If I could find a way to do that more (bingo, another secret excuse), I'll probably have less posts here.